Embracing the Many Roles of a Stoic: Lessons from Lawn Care and Life
Episode #357
As Stoics, we are called to play many roles in life, each with its own set of duties and responsibilities. These roles—whether as professionals, parents, partners, community members, or homeowners—shape our lives and define how we engage with the world. Yet, balancing these roles is a constant challenge. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we fail to meet the demands of one or more of these roles. The important question is: How do we face those failures with honesty, humility, and resolve?
The Stoic System of Roles
We can think of life as a system of overlapping roles, akin to concentric circles of concern. You are a worker, a family member, a community participant, and perhaps a homeowner, all at once. Each of these roles demands attention and care. The struggle to balance them is real and familiar—especially when life throws unexpected challenges at us, such as a demanding job, a growing family, or the responsibility of owning a home.
A Personal Example: Lawn Care
Let me offer a personal example that may seem mundane but reveals a lot about the Stoic challenge of role management: lawn care.
Last summer, I took on a bigger role at work during a period of short staffing. My focus shifted heavily toward my career, which, for me, is a central Stoic role—contributing to society through meaningful work. At the same time, I’m a homeowner. Four years ago, I voluntarily took on this role, understanding it comes with responsibilities: paying taxes, maintaining the home, and yes, caring for the yard.
My neighbor, a retired gentleman, exemplifies how one might find meaning in lawn care. For him, tending his beautiful lawn is a daily ritual that brings purpose and pride. On the other hand, I admit that last summer, my lawn care slipped. I neglected mowing my front lawn for two months. No garbage, no blatant mess, but the lawn grew out of control and looked unkempt.
Responsibility Beyond Legal Requirements
Legally, I wasn’t neglecting my property—local bylaws didn’t require more frequent mowing. But responsibility isn’t just about legality. As a member of my community, I owe it to my neighbors and to myself to maintain a presentable home. The neglect of this duty, even if minor, impacts the larger whole—the community.
There’s a spectrum here: from my attentive neighbor to someone completely neglectful, who allows trash and animal waste to accumulate unchecked. Between these extremes lies the hard question of where neglect begins.
Facing Neglect Honestly
Reflecting on that summer, I realized I wasn’t truly too busy to mow the lawn. Could I have found 15 or 30 minutes every couple of weeks to do basic upkeep? Yes. Instead, I chose to let it slide, and that was neglect.
When my neighbor asked if my mower was broken, I replied, “I’ve just been really busy at work.” That was true—but also an excuse. I was using busyness as a shield from responsibility.
As Stoics, we must be honest with ourselves about such excuses. Our roles overlap. Taking care of our health, for instance, can support other roles—like family and work. Similarly, small acts of care, like mowing the lawn, can benefit mental well-being and reduce stress.
Adjusting Roles, Not Neglecting Them
Life demands flexibility in how we balance roles. Perhaps you have young children, a new job, or other stressors. It’s okay to adjust the time and effort you devote to certain roles. But there’s a difference between adjustment and neglect.
I believe that last summer, I crossed that line. Yet, admitting neglect is not failure—it’s growth. It allows us to recommit with humility and renewed effort.
The Wisdom of Epictetus
Epictetus provides a sobering insight in his Enchiridion (Handbook), paragraph 37:
“If you take a role that you are not ready for, you disgrace yourself.”
This means that even if I truly was too busy, taking on more than I could manage without compromising responsibilities was itself a failure. Whether by neglect or by overcommitment, the result is the same—disgrace in the Stoic sense, a falling short of virtue.
Takeaways for Stoics and Everyone
Own your roles carefully: Understand the responsibilities you adopt, especially new ones like homeownership.
Be honest about neglect: Don’t mask neglect with excuses or pride.
Adjust roles wisely: Life shifts. Roles can and should flex but not fracture.
Face failure humbly: Failure is inevitable. Own it without defensiveness.
Learn and improve: Use failure as a guidepost for growth, recommitment, and balance.
Moving Forward
As spring arrives once again, I’m committed to mowing my lawn regularly, even if it’s just the front yard every two weeks. It’s a small but meaningful act of stewardship and discipline that reflects a broader commitment to my roles as a Stoic.
The journey isn’t about perfection but about continuous effort to align actions with values, no matter how mundane the task may seem. Lawn care is just one small part of the larger task of living a good, balanced, and responsible life.