Staying Healthily Detached in Relationships

A Deviation From Modern Relationship Advice

“Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.”

Kahlil Gibran (On Marriage)

There is a lot of relationship advice on social media these days. Surely, new scientific research on relationships is always being conducted (though sometimes with contradictory findings), and so you could say that we know more about relationships now than we ever did. However, many historical authors have some interesting perspectives on relationships that may even seem contradictory to modern advice.

The idea presented in the quote above is from Kahlil Gibran, released in 1923 in his book The Prophet. It’s a great little book for those interested in a mingle of Buddhism, Stoicism, Christianity, and Islamic teachings (I know, right?).

Modern Romantic Notions

Gibran’s advice here contradicts some modern romantic notions. Some believe that a romantic relationship is essentially a joining of two people into one. Individual needs must be sacrificed for the greater whole of the relationship. This seems to be true, however, it is often misunderstood.

The problem with how many think about this merging of two individuals is the attachment issue in Stoicism. Stoicism states that we should care deeply for all human beings while at the same time remaining detached. What this means is that Eudaimonia is found from within, and no particular external can take that from you.