The Stoic Path: Moving Beyond Blame to Acceptance
Episode #356
What upsets people is not things themselves but their judgments about things. This core teaching from Epictetus’ Handbook (paragraph five) is one of the most powerful ideas in Stoic philosophy. It is a profound yet simple truth: our suffering is not caused by external events but by our interpretations of them. Understanding this concept can help dissolve much of the frustration and anger that arise in daily life.
However, applying it is a different challenge altogether. It requires deep introspection, self-awareness, and, ultimately, the discipline to change our perspective.
The Layers of Understanding
Epictetus lays out three levels of understanding in relation to blame and responsibility:
The Uneducated Person: Accuses others when things go wrong. This is the mindset of externalization—believing that our struggles and suffering are caused by people, circumstances, or bad luck. It’s an easy way to absolve oneself of responsibility but also a trap that keeps one powerless. If we believe that our problems are always someone else's fault, we see no need to change ourselves.
The Partly Educated Person: Accuses themselves. This is a crucial step in personal growth, where one begins to take ownership of their problems. Instead of blaming the world, they look inward and recognize their own role in their struggles. This level requires courage and humility because it means acknowledging personal flaws and limitations. Many people stop at this stage, believing that ultimate self-responsibility means total self-blame.
The Educated (or Wise) Person: Accuses neither others nor themselves. This is where the paradox emerges. If the partly educated person takes responsibility for their problems, how does the wise person not even blame themselves?
The answer lies in the Stoic principle of amor fati—love of fate. The wise person does not perceive events as problemsto be blamed on others or themselves; they simply see them as things that happen. They do not waste time on blame because blame, whether external or internal, serves no real purpose. They focus instead on action, on aligning themselves with nature, and on accepting reality as it is.
Reframing Our Reactions
This perspective shift is not about denial or gaslighting ourselves into thinking we don’t feel emotions. It’s about recognizing that while we experience emotions, we are not controlled by them.
For example, consider the common complaint: “This traffic is making me angry.” A Stoic would reframe this: “I hold the opinion that traffic is bad, and that is what is making me angry.” This shift in perspective is subtle but powerful. It moves responsibility from external forces to our internal judgment, giving us the power to change our reaction.
It doesn’t mean we should never feel emotions, nor does it mean we shouldn’t take action when necessary. If traffic is consistently an issue, perhaps we can adjust our schedule. If a coworker behaves in a way that bothers us, perhaps we can have a conversation with them. The key is realizing that our emotional suffering is not inherent in the event itself but in how we process it.
The Freedom of Letting Go
When we stop blaming others, we gain autonomy over our emotional well-being. When we stop blaming ourselves, we stop punishing ourselves unnecessarily. The truly wise person moves through life without clinging to grievances.
This doesn’t mean passivity or indifference. It means understanding that events are neutral—only our minds assign them meaning. A Stoic sage, faced with any hardship, does not say, “Why did this happen to me?” but rather, “This happened. What will I do next?”
The ultimate goal is to reach a state where we engage with life fully, act justly, and make decisions wisely—without the burden of blame, but with the clarity of acceptance.
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Brandon Tumblin is most well-known for his podcast, The Strong Stoic Podcast, where he discusses philosophical ideas (solo and guest episodes).
Brandon is also a writer for THE STOIC, the official journal of The Stoic Gym.
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