Trauma: A Stoic Perspective
Episode #311
Hello Friends,
A ship accumulates marine growth on its hull as it traverses through water. Some would suggest that our souls do a similar thing, accumulating trauma from the challenging and difficult circumstances that life puts us through.
This is understandable on one end; we can all point to situations in our past that seem to still bother us in conscious and sometimes subconscious ways. On the other hand, one could perhaps make the case that a Stoic does not let the past bother them. Is trauma a real thing, or is it simply an unStoic way of looking at your past?
The audio version of this episode is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and wherever else you listen to your podcasts.
The History of Trauma
Trauma, like all human ideas, can be given a “discovery date”. It goes back to the 1800’s. Jean Martin Charcot first proposed this idea in 1887. Pierre Janet, his student, further developed his ideas. And then, pretty much simultaneously, Sigmund Freud, whom we all know, studied the idea of trauma.
I won’t bore you with the history of these studies, but in sum, the idea of trauma is that something that happened in our past is causing certain behaviours in our present selves.
Take the example of a child who was neglected by her parents. She will grow up with a particular set of psychological trauma that dictates how she shows up in the world. We could call this “causation”, or “cause and effect”. If we want to get a bit more nerdy, we could call this “etiology”, which is the study of causation.
Trauma can take many, many forms. But the idea is that something happened in our past that has emotionally scarred or broken us, and it effects our present selves.
It would be hard for me to convince you that that isn’t true right now. I’m quite certain that, as I’m describing this, you’re thinking about that time you got bullied and how that makes you sheepish, or how your father abandoned you and that makes you emotionally defensive, or how you broke your leg falling out of a tree and that makes you afraid of heights.
And, certainly, I would never make the claim that challenging circumstances can and do affect us in some ways. But let me plant this question in your mind: does a psychologically healthy spend a great deal of time thinking about the past?
Our Obsession With the Past
Why are we so obsessed with the past? Why do so many of us spend perhaps hours at a time thinking about what happened before the present, connecting it to our current insufficiencies? Peterson’s thoughts on the matter is that the past gives us an emotional response when we haven’t extracted the lesson that we need to in order to move forward.
“People think that the purpose of memory is to remember the past. That's not the purpose of memory.
The purpose of memory is to extract out, from the past, lessons to structure the future. That's the purpose of personal memory. So, you're done with a memory when you've extracted the information that you can use to guide yourself properly in the future.
If you have a traumatic memory, for example, that's obsessing you, if you analyze that memory to the point where you figured out how you put yourself at risk, you can determine how you might avoid that in the future.
Then the emotion associated with that goes away.”
Dr. Jordan B. Peterson
Let’s say that you were bullied as a kid. It may seem insensitive to ask this, but I’m going to anyway: what part of you being bullied is your fault?
Maybe the answer to that question is “nothing at all!” And maybe that’s the right answer. But maybe the answer is that you played some very small role in that. Now, bullies are externals; they are not “up to you”. But what is up to you is your thoughts and opinions.
If a bully is calling you a loser everyday, that can only truly affect you if you value that person’s opinion. That’s Stoicism - you cannot change other people’s behaviour, but you can change your judgements.
Now: before I come off as being too insensitive, I am not making the case that kids should be Stoic sages. That would be a ridiculous standard. What I am saying is that getting bullied can be viewed as an opportunity to practice Stoicism.
How many people do you hear say that they were thankful that they were bullied? Chris Williamson often talks about how, had he not been bullied, he wouldn’t be successful today. David Goggins was bullied. George Saint Pierre. Joe Rogan.
Bullying is clearly wrong. Clearly. What is also wrong, according to Stoicism, is labelling being bullied as a bad thing. It’s not to a Stoic. It’s an opportunity to practice virtue. Now: if you are a big kid, say, and you see another kid being bullied, the Stoic response is to intervene. If, however, you are a small kid being bullied, the Stoic response is to practice the dichotomy of control.
What’s within your control?
Can you journal about processing your judgements? Can you take a boxing class to make yourself more competent?
Oh! That’s interesting. Yes - Stoics aim to be physically capable.
“It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable”
Socrates
What if you’re physically disabled? That’s not up to you. But what can you do? Can you do pull ups? Push ups? Literally anything!
What Are the Principles, Here?
We just went through the example of bullying: something that is morally wrong to do, but if you’re the one being bullied is an indifferent. What are the principles, here?
First, the dichotomy of control. What other people do - even if that person is your father - is not up to you. You can’t directly stop your father from being abusive. But what can you do?
You can get help. You can tell your teachers. You can journal. You can train. You can do whatever you can to get out of that situation. But you can’t change other people’s actions.
And you know what else you can’t change? The past!
The past is an external. It’s not up to you. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter. As Peterson said, we should aim to process the past, extract the lesson, and then move on with our lives.
Does that mean that if you find yourself emotionally disturbed by past events that you just try and ignore it and force it down? Absolutely not.
Journal. Write down everything you remember in detail. Then, write down what the lesson here is. The harsh truth is that we do play some role - large or small - in everything that happens to us. Our environment is an external, and it’s not up to us. But we are a part of our environment, paradoxically, so we play a role in its actions.
Therapy. Therapy is just a guided version of journaling, really.
The point here is that, yes, you have to extract the lessons from your past so that you can move forward. But, ultimately, understand that the past is not up to you. It’s done. It happened. It’s over. What now?
The Story We Tell Ourselves
I did an episode a while back titled “The Story We Tell Ourselves” (Episode #281). Dear friend, you can tell yourself whichever story you want. You can tell yourself that you can’t make friends because you were neglected as a child. Or you can tell yourself that you have the strength and courage to get out into the world and make a friend.
You can tell yourself that you can’t be successful at work because your father never taught you how to work hard. Or you can tell yourself that you have agency to start on a journey that will make you more successful.
Trauma is real only if we make it real.
Don’t be a victim. You are stronger than you know. Don’t be a person who blames everything on their past. You are stronger than you know. Don’t be a person who justifies their current position in life by referencing something that happened 10 years ago. You are stronger than you know.
We really are quite remarkable creatures, us human beings. We can suffer war, exile, fatigue, heart break, disease, slavery; we can suffer. Period.
Don’t underestimate yourself. Don’t underestimate your ability to be formidable. You have everything it takes to be a courageous person in the world. The only question you have to ask yourself is this: are you ready to start down this road? Are you ready to own your story, to own your narrative, to write the remaining chapters of your life? Or are you perfectly content letting the world write your story for you?
I hope the choice is pretty clear.
Brandon
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Brandon Tumblin is most well-known for his podcast, The Strong Stoic Podcast, where he discusses philosophical ideas (solo and guest episodes).
Brandon is also a writer for THE STOIC, the official journal of The Stoic Gym.
Great episode, insightful and inspiring!